"Strength through adversity"It has taken me over 40 years to break my silence; I finally feel strong enough to be able to share my story, and reach out to others.
I was abused by family members and afterwards there was no help, validation or therapy for the traumas of the abuse and I eventually stopped even trying to tell my mother. I felt like nothing I did mattered, I didn’t want to go to school or talk to my friends, I felt like I was never good enough or pretty or as smart as the other girls my age. And because I received no validation or therapy for the abuse I suffered, my self-esteem plummeted into nothingness and I became a walking target for traffickers and predators. I believe it is so important to first validate a child’s abuse, and second get them the therapy and help they need. Listen to them. I began to run away from home to escape the abuse, and I continued to run away from home dozens and dozens of times between the ages of twelve and fourteen. Sometimes the police would find me and bring me home, or they would take me to detention centers, reform schools and hospitals. I was treated as a juvenile delinquent, and a child who was uncontrollable, never as a young girl who needed assistance or help. Not once was the abuse I had suffered in my home ever addressed. Because I never received any treatment, it was so easy for predators, pimps and traffickers, who seem to have uncanny radar to seek out damaged children, to force me into trafficking. One time after I ran away, a couple found me hungry, cold and in need of shelter on the streets of Washington, D.C. They picked me up and groomed me for prostitution. I was thirteen years old. After months of being trafficked by them in Washington D.C., they sold me to another trafficker who drove me to New York. I stayed with the trafficker who bought me in D.C. over eight horrific trauma filled years, selling my body for him on the streets of New York City. I tried to leave him several times, once even making my way all the way back to my home in Virginia, but I never really succeeded. He always came after me and brought me back to New York. While I was trafficked on the streets of New York City I was beaten, raped, robbed, jailed and even taken to Rikers Island Prison. I was arrested dozens of times, I had been programmed to tell the police that I was eighteen or twenty one years old and to never give them my real name and the police never asked me my real name or my real age anyway. For this reasonI believe that training for police and law enforcement is so very important because they are the ones that are out there in the streets. The police are the ones who have the most contact with the runaways and young people who are being trafficked on the streets of our country, and they could do so much good if they knew what to look for and could identify, track and give young trafficking victims the help they need instead of arresting them. In the beginning my naivety and lack of self-esteem from the abuse I had suffered made it easy for me to believe my trafficker was my protector, and I really believed he loved me as hard as that is to understand. I learned after leaving ‘the life’ to understand the terms trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome. And what happens when a young person who has been abused is manipulated, beaten and lied to by a predator and how they, like I did, begin to bond with their captives and traffickers. Later when I began to see what he really was, a predator and pimp, he controlled me with severe beatings and death threats. He beat me with coat hangers, tried to throw me out of his car, and threw me down several flights of stairs. I was terrified of what he might do to me and saw no escape. During the time I spent on the streets being trafficked I went to jail numerous times, I was raped, and robbed and at deaths door more times than I can count, although I was the victim, I got a criminal record. The pimp who was trafficking me was never arrested. The police would come through the streets and round up dozens of women and girls, never the pimps and traffickers, and take us all down to the station. The man that trafficked me was never arrested for trafficking, though he did die in prison in 1995, where he was incarcerated for drug charges. I am in the process of vacating the criminal record I got while I was trafficked, because I was in New York. New York is one of seven states which allow survivors of trafficking to vacate criminal convictions. The other states are, Hawaii, Illinois, Vermont, Washington State, Maryland and Nevada. Between the ages of fourteen through seventeen, I spiraled downward into heroin addiction and was no longer a commodity to my trafficker who eventually released me. I was on my own in New York and addicted to heroin. At age twenty I met a drug counselor at a clinic who reunited me with my family in nearby Philadelphia, Pa., where my older sister had been living for several years. After I reunited with family members at Christmas time, in 1980 I never went back to New York. I was able to get off of drugs and go back to school. Because I ran away from home at such a young age I never finished the 6th grade, so I had to get my G.E.D. After I got my high school diploma I went on to college and got a degree in early childhood development. I was married and found out I was infertile because of all the abuse and trauma my young body had been through. After visiting an infertility specialist I was able to conceive and had a beautiful baby girl who is now 23 years old. Through all the years of recovery I never told anyone about my past. I kept it all inside, never letting the horror and shame of those years out. No one knew what I had been through-not my husband, or my daughter. I carried my trauma with me, always pushing it down inside and the stress of my secret was hard to hide. Stress and keeping things inside can kill you, if you are reading this and you have been or are being trafficked please tell someone you trust, if you can. Because of all the stress and trauma I carried inside for so many years, I developed cancer in 2006 and had three surgeries, the last in 2007, I am cancer free. All of the horror and trauma of my past came rushing back to me the night my daughter ran away from home when she was 15 years old. As I thought of what could happen to her on the streets if I did not find her, I searched and was able to find her several hours later at a friend’s house. I told her about what I had been through when I was her age not long after bringing her home. My daughter is grown now and I have a grandson who just turned 6 years old. Lately I have felt the contentment and strength of finally getting to know who I am. I am a strong woman who does not need to be ashamed of my past and I am a survivor who is alive today because of my strengths and vulnerabilities. I think my inner soul remained untouched despite what I went through for so many years. I also believe I am alive today because someone watched over me during all those nights I was out on the streets. Call it what you will-I call it God. I have had different reactions since I began speaking out and telling my story. Some have told me I am brave and that telling my story was a selfless act and helps people, while others have asked why I would break my silence after so many years. I believe I am alive today so I can tell my story of survival and overcoming adversity to help inspire other people who are struggling with some of the same things I did. If I can help even one of those people, then I did what I was meant to do. I have spoken in different venues at ivy league universities like Princeton and the University of Pennsylvania and other places during past several months. I have shared my story and also how people can make a difference. I believe that each survivor of human trafficking has a powerful voice and can make a difference, whether they chose to tell their story or not, they can still make a difference by talking with legislators and non-profits and government agencies and regular people who are working towards ending trafficking, just as anyone else can who wants to make a difference. I write a column in the Washington Times and I post links to my articles in my blog here on this site. If you or someone you know is being trafficked and need help please contact POLARIS 888-373-7888 |
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EXCERPT FROM MY BOOK
2004
I never thought my daughter would do this. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. I ran away from home dozens of times when I was even younger than her, and I never gave my mother’s feelings any thought at all. I never had the feeling she gave mine much thought either.
Bianca had been asking me questions about my past. Questions I refused to answer.
On the way home I started to cry silently. I cried because I was scared of what happened and afraid of what I had to do now. I had to make my daughter understand. I had to tell her everything about my past.
1972
The gray metal coat hanger hissed through the air and struck my back. Where it hit, the pain was so intense it radiated through my entire body. The thin t-shirt I had on was no defense, and neither were my hands and arms. I tried to shield my face from his blows. He raised his arm, aimed the wire coat hanger and hit me over and over and over. I started to shake uncontrollably. My shirt turned red with my blood and I prayed but no one came to help me, I was all alone and I wanted to die. I huddled in a ball on the floor and tried to go away in my mind. I was 16 years old.
Washington Times:
Trafficking prevention tactics
WASHINGTON, October 5, 2012 - As a 12 year old, I fled my suburban Virginia home after being abused. I was searching for love and acceptance and desperately wanted someone to believe in and understand me.
The man who would become my trafficker for the next 8 years knew exactly what I was feeling. Because he made it his business to know, to him I was a commodity; he did not see me in any way as a human being only a dollar sign. He knew what signs to look for as he trolled the malls, parks and other hangouts where young people just like me congregated.
He very carefully overlooked the children who walked with self-confidence and self-assurance; instead he targeted the seemingly damaged, quiet, sad and preoccupied young people. He knew they would be easier to control and manipulate, that they would believe the lies he would tell them.
And sadly I did just that. I believed each lie my trafficker told me.
Half of his job had already been done before he even met me. The fact that I had been abused and received no validation or therapy had left me with no self-esteem, and that coupled with my young age made me a walking target for predators and traffickers like him.
To prevent this from happening to other young children, we have to learn what traffickers already know. We have to learn how to identify, target, approach and align ourselves with children and young people in need. And we have to reach these children before the traffickers do.
The ages of 12 to 14 are such magical years in a young person’s life. They are also some of the most difficult. A 12 year old girl is just starting to discover her own womanhood and pull away from her mother; she is testing the water and just beginning to experience so many new things. Children of this age are naturally defiant and challenge their parents in the best of home situations. If a child has been abused, and if their already fragile self-esteem has been shattered by lack of validation, then at that special age they can become walking targets.
Every child, or adult for that matter, wants to belong, and during those
early teenage years the need to belong and to be part of the group is all consuming. Think back to your own early school years how hard you wanted to be part of the coolest group in school.
Traffickers and predators traffic children for one reason: money. They have made a science of the business of trafficking and enslaving our children.
Trafficking of human beings is a 32 billion dollar business, second only to drug trafficking and growing daily.
After all, you can sell a human being over and over and over and you can sell a crack rock only one time.
The average age of entry into the sex trafficking trade in the United States is 12-14 years of age. This is not a coincidence.
Parents, teachers, counselors and doctors and every other adult involved in children’s lives have to be more aware when children show any signs of abuse. They have to acknowledge and validate the abuse. They have to talk about it with the child and believe them; they need to make sure that any counseling or therapy the child may need is in place. They have to make sure that the child knows they are loved and belong to a loving family, whether it is 2 or 12 people.
The same parents, teachers and other adults also could build up a child’s self-esteem by enrolling them in sports. Statistics prove that children who participate in team sports have a much lower rate of early sexual behavior. Adults need to encourage children to try new things, to accomplish tasks that will enrich their lives and build up their self-worth and self-esteem. Positive role models have to be put in place and when there are none in the home, they should be sought out.
Only then will young children and teenagers begin venture out on their own to test the waters, and be able to walk with the confidence and self-assurance that helps shield them from predators and traffickers.
The man who would become my trafficker for the next 8 years knew exactly what I was feeling. Because he made it his business to know, to him I was a commodity; he did not see me in any way as a human being only a dollar sign. He knew what signs to look for as he trolled the malls, parks and other hangouts where young people just like me congregated.
He very carefully overlooked the children who walked with self-confidence and self-assurance; instead he targeted the seemingly damaged, quiet, sad and preoccupied young people. He knew they would be easier to control and manipulate, that they would believe the lies he would tell them.
And sadly I did just that. I believed each lie my trafficker told me.
Half of his job had already been done before he even met me. The fact that I had been abused and received no validation or therapy had left me with no self-esteem, and that coupled with my young age made me a walking target for predators and traffickers like him.
To prevent this from happening to other young children, we have to learn what traffickers already know. We have to learn how to identify, target, approach and align ourselves with children and young people in need. And we have to reach these children before the traffickers do.
The ages of 12 to 14 are such magical years in a young person’s life. They are also some of the most difficult. A 12 year old girl is just starting to discover her own womanhood and pull away from her mother; she is testing the water and just beginning to experience so many new things. Children of this age are naturally defiant and challenge their parents in the best of home situations. If a child has been abused, and if their already fragile self-esteem has been shattered by lack of validation, then at that special age they can become walking targets.
Every child, or adult for that matter, wants to belong, and during those
early teenage years the need to belong and to be part of the group is all consuming. Think back to your own early school years how hard you wanted to be part of the coolest group in school.
Traffickers and predators traffic children for one reason: money. They have made a science of the business of trafficking and enslaving our children.
Trafficking of human beings is a 32 billion dollar business, second only to drug trafficking and growing daily.
After all, you can sell a human being over and over and over and you can sell a crack rock only one time.
The average age of entry into the sex trafficking trade in the United States is 12-14 years of age. This is not a coincidence.
Parents, teachers, counselors and doctors and every other adult involved in children’s lives have to be more aware when children show any signs of abuse. They have to acknowledge and validate the abuse. They have to talk about it with the child and believe them; they need to make sure that any counseling or therapy the child may need is in place. They have to make sure that the child knows they are loved and belong to a loving family, whether it is 2 or 12 people.
The same parents, teachers and other adults also could build up a child’s self-esteem by enrolling them in sports. Statistics prove that children who participate in team sports have a much lower rate of early sexual behavior. Adults need to encourage children to try new things, to accomplish tasks that will enrich their lives and build up their self-worth and self-esteem. Positive role models have to be put in place and when there are none in the home, they should be sought out.
Only then will young children and teenagers begin venture out on their own to test the waters, and be able to walk with the confidence and self-assurance that helps shield them from predators and traffickers.